During the life-map activity, one of my group members shared her story. She said that whenever people met her mother they could not believe it. In the beginning, this really bothered her, but gradually, she got used to it.

It seemed like she had a perfect mom: beautiful, capable, smart, tender, well-educated, and kind. She was a great cook too. All virtues that people could image could be found in her mom. Her elder sister, elder brother and younger sister all looked like her mom. Unfortunately, she was the only child who did not resemble her mom at all.

Her mother’s time was occupied by her siblings, but there was no room for her. She frequently hid herself in her room and cried, hoping her mom or her siblings would find her and hug her, but it never happened. She told herself she would cry no more tears. She became a rationalist, which means she did not rely on emotions but relied on being logical.

After graduating from high school, she attended a Christian fellowship. Comparing to other religions, she thought Christianity was a good choice. So she was baptized. She vigorously involved in many evangelical activities; she even went to Mongolia and China to share the gospel to people there. However, she knew something was wrong with her.

She told people God is love, and she believed it, but she couldn’t feel it. Even though she actively participated in various events, she couldn’t find passion inside herself. She went to see comedies, and the whole audience laughed hard but not her. She watched several sad movies, and all her friends wept except her. Finally, she realized something inside of her was wrong. She felt as if her heart became stone, nothing to feel, nothing to respond.

“Please give me a new heart and put a new sprit in me; please remove from me my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26). This verse had been her only prayer for a long time; however, nothing happened. One day she told God she was tired of praying for the same thing over and over, so she gave up. Suddenly, she felt God’s presence. She found she was crying. She shouted, “I have tears.” During the next year, she wept a lot. Since that time on, every time she weeps, she feels that her heart is purified. These are the tears of joy.