Obedience and Loss

"Can I talk to you for a moment? I found your organization, Lifting Hands Network, online. I haven’t stepped outside my home for a month," a woman's timid voice came through the phone.

"Sure, but I have an appointment in 30 minutes," Jane Hsu replied.

"I’ve called friends, my church group leader, and a counselor. They all said they couldn’t help me and suggested I talk to a pastor. I called the pastor and his wife, but they also said they couldn’t help me. They told me to contact a Christian counseling organization. I called several times, but the staff answering the phone asked me not to call again because they couldn’t help me either. I haven’t left my house in a month. I’ve been watching sermons from foreign pastors on Good News TV; it has helped me a little."

"Has anything happened over the past few years that has been difficult for you to bear?" Jane asked.

"My mother passed away, and my elder brother disappeared. More than ten years ago, when my mom got sick and needed long-term care, I followed my siblings’ advice, quit the job I loved, and dedicated myself to taking care of her. My mom was the person I loved most in this world besides God. A few years ago, my brother developed dementia, and I also cared for him. We sang hymns, prayed, and went to church together. We were happy. Many people told me I took excellent care of him.

Last year, my mother passed away due to old age. After the funeral, I came home to find my brother gone. I searched everywhere but couldn’t find him. Later, I learned that my elder sister, who works in mainland China, took him there after the funeral. She hired a housekeeper to clean the house and prepare meals for him, but no one interacted with him, and his condition deteriorated rapidly. I told my sister that if she thought I couldn’t take care of him, I could help arrange for him to stay at Suang-Lien Elderly Center, which has a great reputation. But my sister ignored me…"

"You’ve shared your situation with many people. What did they say?" Jane asked.

"They all said God took my brother away and that it’s clear He doesn’t want me to care for my brother anymore. They said I should submit to God’s will and let go. The Pastor and his wife kept emphasizing, 'Obedience brings blessings.' They said that if I refuse to submit, no one can help me. But I don’t mean to disobey God..."

"Your heart is in pain, a pain so intense it feels like it's being torn apart, isn't it? ...You have lost the work that brought you happiness and a sense of achievement, you have lost the person you loved most in the world, you have lost your brother who was by your side for years, you have lost the support of your church... Do you feel condemned? Worthless? Do you have a deep sense of loneliness? You feel like you've been forgotten..."Jane asked.

"Yes! That’s exactly how I feel. Thank God!" the sister cried out. "Finally, someone understands me."

When comforting those who have lost loved ones, please don’t rush to talk about God’s will or the importance of submitting to it. Job’s friends said many such things, but they didn’t align with God’s heart.

Imagine a piece of land with many trees of various sizes. Two trees - one that has grown for fifty years and another for forty years - are uprooted, leaving behind two uneven holes of different depths. At this moment, the sister's inner landscape might look like this land, desolate and devastated. Do you see her heartache, torn to pieces?

When Jesus was exceedingly sorrowful, even to death, He said to His disciples, "Stay here and watch with me" (Matthew 26:38). If you don’t know what to say or do to bring healing to a grieving friend, at least be there to accompany them.

Thanksgiving items:

The "Healing Depression for Life" online support group successfully launched in November.
Secured the rights for the Traditional Chinese edition of Resilient Child.
Secured the rights for the Traditional Chinese edition of Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference.
Lysa TerKeurst’s Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are is expected to be published in Traditional Chinese in 2025.
Prayer Requests:

May God open more pastors’ eyes see the need for grief counseling and holistic wellness, encouraging them to attend the Walk out of Grief workshop and The Secrets of Psychological Body Armor ™ -Survival of the Wisest training.
May Anxiety Reset and Healing Depression for Life be greatly used by God to bless those struggling with low moods, anxiety, and stress.
May God use Sustainable Church: Growing Ministry Around the Sheep, Not Just the Shepherds to bless pastors and churches.
May God use the three books (Tear Soup, Experiencing Grief, and Where Do I Go from Here?) to help people who have lost a loved one complete their grief journey.
May the Lifting Hands Network’s publications enhance the relationships of Chinese readers with God, others, and themselves.